When A Partner Doesn’t Value Maternity Leave And The Work Required To Look After A Child

Believe it or not, for many, a partner or other people will not appreciate the role that paternity or maternity leave entails. They don’t appreciate staying home to raise a child. The days during the first few months take up physically and emotionally just as much or more than an eight-hour workday.

The choice to be at home for a few years to raise a child is a decision that, fortunately, can be made by both mothers and fathers. However, there is one thing that is not always remembered in this regard:  despite the fact that the parent is at home and not at work, he or she still has an important job.

Above all, it is important to understand that being in a relationship means being on a team. If this basic idea is not clear, then the project of raising a child – which depends so much on reciprocity, care and empathy – will undoubtedly be very difficult.

If a mother or father feels lonely or misunderstood while caring for their child and being at home while a partner is at work, this can be a major detriment to the relationship.

When a partner does not value maternity leave and the work required by childcare

There are great and exceptional partners with whom it is easy to live a harmonious life. Sometimes a relationship is like a perfect symphony with no other reproaches at all. And that classic phrase “I help my wife / husband in all things” isn’t actually used then. Why do we say that?

No one helps anyone then because there is an unspeakable understanding that being a family means carrying out a common project. A project where effort and dedication combine.

This agreement has already been made, and if the other party decides to stay on maternity or paternity leave to be at home for a few years to raise children, the other party should respect the work of their partner.

There are many couples who, however, do not experience such cohabitation. Most often, this is about women, and some men who dedicate their entire daily lives to newborn care and who feel misunderstood and undervalued by their partner.

“My mother raised five children, and she never complained.” “But the only thing a baby does is eat and sleep, so you have nothing to complain about.” “You spend all day sitting while I stand and work.”

These sentences happen and can destroy and cause a lot of damage despite the fact that they affect the upbringing of children. This can happen because a sad mother or father cannot give the best of himself to his children. So it is important.

When mom or dad feels trapped at home

When the partner comes home and dinner is still not ready. The clothes are not clean and the home has not been cleaned and she asks  “But how busy have you been all day then?”.

It is very possible that your partner will only notice these types of things. And she only wants to see that the baby is now sleeping in peace and contentment, resting happily and loved.

• If this attitude and reaction is repeated over time,  a parent on maternity leave will begin to feel truly limited and even trapped. She experiences this because the beautiful task of raising children is not appreciated. For the person he loves the most – a partner – does not appreciate the hard work he does.
• The extreme vigilance we experience in the first months and years of raising a child causes stress levels to rise to the very highest point. We are afraid of the baby falling, we are afraid of eating it lightly, we are afraid of its poor sleep. We anticipate risks and look at the baby every single second of the day.

• If then a partner in addition to this accuses us of not doing housework or criticizes us for being tired, something is wrong with the relationship. The partner does not appreciate. We do not get respect then, and this is a complex situation where something needs to change.

I am at home, but my work is still important

In some cases, the couple makes a deal: I take maternity leave and you go to work . One party is responsible for financial care, but one of the partners takes on an equally important task for themselves. A task that involves raising, educating, and caring for a  new person and showing them love, and this then shapes the foundation of the couple.

It is therefore vital that the following are clear:

• Raising a child is not just a job, it is a part of a person’s life  and a task that takes up 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

• Having a child means investing: in enthusiasm, time, love, and dedication. If the couple does not have reciprocity, the project will not be able to continue in good condition. We are unable to provide the true quality of life that would be best for our children.
• Home maintenance is a secondary issue. The priority should always be the baby. If our partner comes home and finds that the clothes haven’t been ironed, that doesn’t mean “we haven’t done anything” all day.

A mother or father can rightly say that he is tired. He has the same rights as any other person who has been at work all day. Just because she says she’s tired doesn’t mean she would love her children a little. He just wants to ventilate his mind, and of course this deserves the understanding of his partner.