How Do Overly Harsh Parents Affect A Child?

Everyone – and especially every parent – knows that raising a child is not an easy task. Too permissive parents are often criticized, but too harsh an attitude to parenting is also not the right solution. Both extremes – allowing everything or demanding too much – are detrimental to the child. Too harsh parents put too much pressure on their child to be obedient, polite, and smart — in other words, perfect.

Strict parenting manifests itself in many ways. An example is a situation where a child receives a grade of 8+ in a test. The parents punish the child so that he or she gets a better grade next time. When a child receives a grade of 10 on the next test, the parents scold him because the grade is not a full 10.

Why is too strict parenting?

Parents who are too harsh and demanding towards their child pursue an authoritarian upbringing style. In this case, parents are very inflexible about what they expect from their child. They have a need to control every area of ​​a child’s life in order to ensure that the child is achieving their goals.

A possible solution

A healthier approach would be one in which the parents and the child agree together on what is expected of the child. In this case, the end result is much more positive, and excessive demands on the child are avoided. In addition, when parents constantly remind their child of what he or she should do next, it can lead to some degree of dependency.

As adults, children raised under too strict parenting experience difficulties in basic life skills and autonomy. He does not know how to make his decisions independently, which strongly affects his daily life. When a child is demanded too much and the child is unable to meet the expectations of his or her parents, the child can become completely insecure about himself or herself.

How do overly harsh parents affect a child?

Children who have been brought up too harshly may experience the following characteristics, among others.

Perfectionism

This depends on the nature of the parent as well as the personality and abilities of the child. Some children are able to meet their parents ’expectations with optimal performance. Such a child may adopt a similar personality as his or her parent. In other words, the child also grows demanding and striving for perfection. The child strives to achieve the same level of performance as the parents have set for him.

Uncertainty

In many cases, parents place too high demands on their child. When a child does not meet these expectations, he or she becomes frustrated, rebellious, and numb. All of this speaks to a child’s insecurity, addiction, low self-esteem, and susceptibility to anxiety and depression in adulthood.

What do the experts think?

According to experts, excessive harshness towards their children is a very common problem among parents – especially the highly educated. Today, most parents want their children to get a good education, are competitive, and excel in their studies.

However, it is often the case that parents impose these requirements on their child without realizing that the child will not be able to meet them all. There are also cases where parents place strict demands on their child without even asking their child what they really want from their own lives.

Not only do highly educated people tend to be too harsh on their children, they may also be demanding in terms of the child’s homework, sports activities, and participation in family activities.

How to achieve peace in the parent-child relationship?

Excessive demands cause trauma and stress in the child. By the time a child goes to high school or college, he or she may no longer want to commit to them anymore, causing grades to drop. Some young people may even drop out of school altogether because they are tired of being under excessive pressure.

In addition, when parents who are too strict do not take into account the child’s own wishes, they may block the child’s feelings.

Here are some tips to help you be less demanding of your child:

• Spend quality time with your child and discuss his or her day.
• Find out what your child is interested in, what he or she would like to do, what is his or her favorite sport, etc.
• Encourage and motivate your child when needed.
• If your child does not have goals, guide them to find a goal that matches their interests.
• Show your affection to the child.
• Congratulate your child on their success. If your child is having difficulty, encourage him or her to keep trying.

Over time, you will find that controlling your child’s life will not produce the results you want. Most often, expressions of love and affection are the best methods to raise a happy and successful child.